It's you - not me

Dear GOP-

I'm really sorry but this relationship of ours just isn't working out.  You want my contributions, volunteer hours, and vote but then when it's time to make policy you call me a "yahoo," "nativist," "racist," "restrictionist," or "rube."  I can no longer abide that kind of verbal abuse.  Furthermore, you run from my warm November embrace and leap blindly into Uncle Teddy Kennedy's fleshy arms.  Maybe I am too demanding, too needy but I cannot help it - I expect when I ask a conservative to the big dance that once the music starts my date won't start necking with La Raza behind the bleachers.  I suppose you can tell by now that the big reason for our demise is your most recent flirtation with Amnesty.  It's one betrayal too many, GOP;  I am only human.  I can only take so much.  You have to have seen us drifting apart since you pulled this stunt last year with Kennedy and McCain.  Sure they may be the cool kids and have the best shindigs and all but what we had was so pure, so beautiful.

Anyway, I think we should, like, totally break up and start seeing other people.  Well, you already are but I thought I might seek out a tall, dark & handsome conservative Party someday.  Until then I'll just wing it out there on my own as an independent.  Please don't cry - I think this is really harder on me.  After all, you seemed to view what we had as more of a string of November Tuesday one night stands with the occassional phone (bank) - um shall we say - fun.  We had some good times, didn't we?  Mmmm, good times .....  Anyhow, let's not make this any harder than it has to be.  Like Ronald Reagan used to say about his famous break-up with the Democrat Party of his youth:  he didn't leave the Democrat Party, the Party left him.  I feel the same way about you, pooky.  I am not so much leaving the GOP as it has left me this week.  No, no, no, don't protest.  It's all just too much.  Just remember to please scratch my name out of that black book of yours (snail mail AND email addresses please!). 

I know next time you're lookin' for a few bucks you'll come crawling back all doe-eyed and maybe even showing some leg, but please remember that this time is the last time.  We're not Ross & Rachel and we're not just going on "a break."  We've been through this too many times and a clean split is the only way either of us will get any closure.  I'll miss the old GOP but the new you is so unrecognizable in so many ways.  Alas, goodbye my sweet and - "So we beat on, boats against the current........."  - good-bye!

Best wishes,

Brian Mahoney (BORU)

Comments

[Matthew]

""yahoo," "nativist," "racist," "restrictionist," or "rube.""

Don't you dare go question my patriotism.

[Matthew]

Who called you a yahoo, nativist, racist or rube?