The Animal Uprising - GWOT Edition

Blue Crab Boulevard has a long-running series of posts discussing the little-acknowledged animal uprising that threatens human life as we know it.  Just today, Blue Crab Boulevard has documented The Kangaroo Invasion of Europe and the gangland-style Llama killing in Oakland, California.

The most recent episode of the animal uprising recorded by Blue Crab Boulevard involves the Terrorist Squirrels threatening folks up in Mountain View, California.  It seems that they have become quite aggressive as of late attacking folks as they sit down for picnics and other activities.  In a clever twist, Blue Crab Boulevard draws a very witty parallel between the battle against terrorist squirrels in Mountain View, California and the war against squirrelly terrorists across the world:

What struck me here is that these squirrels are becoming increasingly aggressive against park visitors as a direct result of efforts to curb their behavior. Anyone notice certain similarities to events in other parts of the world involving human terrorism? A stretch, you say? Really? Look at the responses to the program to trap and kill the dangerous animals:

Wildlife advocates also oppose the unusual measure of killing the animals and said it won't solve the problem.

"The squirrels will be back," South Bay wildlife rehabilitator Norma Campbell said. "For every one you take out, two more will come in. It could be a never-ending project that isn't going to accomplish anything."

Officials said the increasingly brazen behavior stems from years of being fed by park visitors.

The state Department of Fish and Game recommends against relocating habituated squirrels, he said, because their fear of humans has diminished and the problem is likely to remain. Instead, the department recommends the animals be put to sleep, Muela said.

Muela said the city couldn't afford to wait and see if the squirrels' aggressive behavior goes away eventually, because of the threat posed to public health and safety.

Emphasizing his concern for the welfare of park visitors, Muela said, "We will need the public's cooperation on this, because as long as they continue to feed the squirrels it will exacerbate the problem."

It is almost as if the reporter on this story lifted the recent National Intelligence Estimate and replaced the word "terrorist" with the word "squirrel". 

One thing I learned by reading this blog: there is a Council on American-Rodent Relations. Okay, not really.  That was just made up by StikNStein, but I thought that was pretty funny. By the way, check out this picture of one of the evil terrorist squirrels courtesy of StikNStein.  He sure looks scary.  I hope he gets selected for further screening at the airport:

-Matthew

Comments

[mab]

I'd be glad to help them with their problem. I'd feed those aggressive squirrels a little lead from a single shot pellet gun. The pop of the pellet gun wouldn't scare the animal loving picnickers. And if they really got hungry, they might consider a squirrel sandwich.

[mab]

Two questions: (1). Was the squirrel in the cage read his Miranda Rights before he was tortured? (2). Was his image in the picture altered to protect his identity and self-esteem?

[Matthew]

lol. the use of the squirrel's picture WAS a gross violation of Article 3 of the Geneva Convention.