Dear Senator Durbin,
As a constituent of your fine state of Illinois, I find it my civic duty to alert you to instances of "torture" happening right here in the United States -- to ordinary Americans!
As a young man, I was forced to spend time in a cinderblock "prison" along with many others my age. During the summertime, we would endure unbearable heat, as the facility lacked any air-conditioning. In the winter, we would often tremble at the tendrils of icy air that would seep in through the poorly-insulated windows and doors. The heater was often "broken," although I suspect that excuse may simply have been part of the administration's cost-cutting techniques. Despite such discomfort, we were forbidden from wearing jackets or coats inside, as it did not comply with the standard "uniform."
In addition, we were forced to sit in uncomfortable positions for hours on end, while our "captors" berated us with their propaganda. At the sound of a bell, we were shuffled from room to room like so much cattle, so that a new "educator" could impart even more propaganda on us. Often, they would force us to listen to obnoxious music (this, for example), sometimes at high volume, and force us to sing along at times. At meal times, we were required to provide for ourselves, as we were told the facility did not have the means to feed our growing population. On top of everything else, our "captors" included an inordinate amount of women, often resulting in the dreaded "invasion of personal space by a female."
Finally, akin to the often-rumored practice of Chinese executioners sending bills to the victim's family for the cost of ammunition, our "captors" actually forced our parents to pay for our "detainment."
I can tell by your recent comments on the Senate floor that you are a man of conscience and will not allow more Americans to suffer the same fate I once did.
In fact, if you read this and I did not tell you that I am describing what I went through as an ordinary student at a typical Catholic grade school in suburban Ohio, you would most certainly believe this must have been done by Nazis, Soviets in their gulags, or some mad regime -- Pol Pot or others -- that had no concern for human beings, right?
Then again, you may just be an unprincipled idealogue who received his talking points from his party superiors that the "torture issue" should be used to gain as many political points against the current Presidential administration as possible, and all-too-eagerly followed your marching orders. You would never stoop so low, though, would you? To impugn the integrity of our men & women in uniform -- during wartime, no less -- so that you might land a few political volleys across the aisle?
I should hope not. Fight the good fight, Senator! Bring an end to "torture" on American soil! Close Gitmo! And, while you're at it, shut down the American "educational" system, that so callously subjects our young men & women to such degrading conditions!*
Your (ahem) loyal constituent,
RAM
(*DISCLAIMER: I am in no way advocating the shutting down of the American educational system -- Catholic or otherwise. As the subject line says, this is satire, people.)
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